How do you create healthy boundaries in your relationships?

I was sharing with a friend today the about the importance of boundaries. This was a new concept to him. One of the most important things I teach in my Tantra classes is the importance of sharing your desires, fears and boundaries at the beginning of an exchange. I call this creating a bubble. Boundaries are critical because where two people’s healthy boundaries meet is where intimacy happens. Boundaries keep us present. When we know where our boundary is we can move right to the edge of it with full commitment. If we aren’t sure of our boundary then it is easy to both, play it safe or over step it. Boundaries are dynamic and change from moment to moment, so it is important to stay aware of them.

Here is an outline of the practice. For a complete description see Margot Anand’s, Art of Sexual Ecstasy.

Making a Bubble

Seated across from one another, begin with a heart salutation- the acknowledgment of the divine in each other.

Then create a bubble around yourselves to call yourselves into the present moment. Do this with your intention and by using your arms to define the bubble.

Then, take things out of the bubble that don’t serve you in this moment (past, distraction, anger etc.) Next, bring things into the bubble that will enhance your connection (love, willingness, presence etc.)

Next, offer an appreciation to the other person (I honor your heart…)

After that, share your intentions, fears and boundaries related to the practice while the other person listens without judgment or commentary.

End with a heart salutation. The bubble you’ve created allows you to feel the support of the sacred as you continue with your practice.